Larry King Live
APRIL 11, 1998 (CNN)


Larry Meets Larry


NORM MACDONALD, (AS LARRY KING): Tonight, a side of me you've never seen, my evil twin, otherwise known as Norm Macdonald, joins me for an evening of comedy, rivalry and fashion tips. Also with us, comedian David Spade, join me along with me and David Spade. We're all next on LARRY KING LIVE. [Show titles.] Welcome to LARRY KING LIVE. Tonight a very special guest, the iron horse of broadcasting, Larry King is with us. Larry, welcome.

LARRY KING: An honor to be with you, Larry.

NORM: Well, welcome to the show.

LARRY: This is strange, isn't it?

NORM: It's strange, but it's good.

LARRY: I'm very proud to be -- I've always wanted to guest with you.

NORM: Yes.

LARRY: Yes, it's weird.

NORM: Good to be on the other side of the desk.

LARRY: Yes, good to see myself. You know, now I start to talk like you talk like me. All right, what's the question?

NORM: The first question is, Larry, you've done it all. You've interviewed everybody from Saddam to -- who's the other guy?

LARRY: Named Clinton. [Laughter.]

NORM: Saddam to Clinton all through the years. What is the key to being a good interviewer?

LARRY: The key...

NORM: The key to be a good interviewer.

LARRY: ... is being a good listener.

NORM: What was that?

LARRY: [Laughter.]

NORM: A listener. You have to listen.

LARRY: You have to listen to the answers, which gives you the next question to ask.

NORM: The next can question to ask...

LARRY: In other words, if you're a good listener, you ask me, like, who was your favorite?

NORM: I see.

LARRY: And then I answer and surprise you, so you say why, or what did he do to make him...

NORM: I see. All right.

LARRY: You've got to be engrossed.

NORM: Engrossed?

LARRY: In the subject.

NORM: In the guest.

LARRY: Yes, the guest counts.

NORM: The guest is everything.

LARRY: Not the host.

NORM: Not the host.

LARRY: The guest counts. I'm the guest.

NORM: Fair enough.

LARRY: Host me.

NORM: Well, then, let me ask you this: Of all the people that you've ever interviewed over the years -- how many people would you say you've interviewed?

LARRY: Forty thousand.

NORM: Forty thousand?

LARRY: Yes, figure, 40 years, about 1,000 people a year.

NORM: Forty thousand guests. Now, who was the physically ugliest guest you've ever encounter? The ugliest.

LARRY: The ugliest?

NORM: The elephant man. Have you ever interviewed the elephant man?

LARRY: No. We tried. [Laughter.]

NORM: He was ugly.

LARRY: But we didn't do it. We almost had Siamese twins once.

NORM: Really?

LARRY: Didn't do them.

NORM: Then you're saying that Siamese twins are ugly.

LARRY: They were connected at the head. That would have been difficult.

NORM: Not attracted to you?

LARRY: No.

NORM: Would you marry a Siamese twin?

LARRY: Now, stop that. I didn't come here to be insulted. [Laughter.]

NORM: All right. So you've never interviewed the elephant man.

LARRY: I'm trying to think -- no, I did not interview the elephant man. I'm trying to think of the ugliest man I've ever interviewed. Ugliest man -- who is the guy who produces "Saturday Night Live"?

NORM: Lloyd Michael (ph).

LARRY: That's the man.

NORM: Yes, I met him. He's...

LARRY: Hard to look at.

NORM: Not easy on the eyes.

LARRY: No, not. Hard to interview people like that. [Laughter.]

NORM: Not easy on the eyes.

LARRY: [Laughter.]

NORM: So you're saying, Larry King, that you find conjoined twins ugly.

LARRY: At the head, yes.

NORM: At the head, they are ugly.

LARRY: At the hip, they are not ugly. At the head, looks grotesque.

NORM: It's grotesque.

LARRY: Don't you think it's grotesque?

NORM: No, I find all human's beautiful.

LARRY: Larry, that's why we love you.

NORM: That's right.

LARRY: Oh, what now...

NORM: Let me ask you this...

LARRY: What?

NORM: You are a very happily married man now.

LARRY: Very.

NORM: How many times have you been married?

LARRY: Six.

NORM: Six times, and now...

LARRY: Finally.

NORM: Six is the charm?

LARRY: The right girl came along.

NORM: Seana (ph)?

LARRY: Seana.

NORM: A lovely girl.

LARRY: She's Sean. I call her Seana, because it's like jewels.

NORM: How long have you been married?

LARRY: Seven months.

NORM: Which is a record.

LARRY: [Laughter.] No, this is the first. I've been married, Larry, but I've never been married married.

NORM: Married married.

LARRY: This is married married.

NORM: Married like...

LARRY: She's my friend, like I love her.

NORM: I see. That's what Clinton says about his wife, isn't it?

LARRY: I -- you know, I came to this show, expecting the best. I expected to be -- I didn't expect to be humiliated this way.

NORM: Well, let me ask you this, Larry. You're married?

LARRY: Yes.

NORM: Six months?

LARRY: Seven months.

NORM: Seven months.

LARRY: See, you've got to listen.

NORM: OK.

LARRY: OK.

NORM: Seven months it's been.

LARRY: It's been.

NORM: And yet, you start necking with Marlon Brando on the air. What's that all about?

LARRY: Marlon grabbed me. It was him, not me.

NORM: So it was him.

LARRY: It was him.

NORM: He kissed you?

LARRY: Out of nowhere, he kissed me on the lips.

NORM: Oh, my lord.

LARRY: And tell you the truth.

NORM: He was aroused?

LARRY: I can't stop thinking about him.

NORM: Was he aroused?

LARRY: Was he aroused? [Laughter.]

NORM: That's a journalistic question.

LARRY: That's correct. And if Ed Bradley is here, I'll have him ask it. I had no idea. I was shocked, shocked, Larry, when he did that.

NORM: Shocked when Marlon Brando kissed you.

LARRY: Absolutely. Wouldn't you be?

NORM: I would enjoy it.

LARRY: Are you -- never mind.

NORM: Am I, Larry King, gay? Was that your question?

LARRY: Yes. That's what I'm going to ask.

NORM: Yes. I'll come out of the closet right now on your show. I, Larry King, irreversibly gay.

LARRY: Irreversibly gay. [Laughter.]

NORM: Yes, that's what the doctors have told me.

LARRY: [Laughter.]

NORM: I had a heart bypass, then they said there is a slight side effect.

LARRY: Don't ask, don't tell.

NORM: Don't ask, don't tell, exactly.

LARRY: What's next? What -- do you have another question?

NORM: What's next? Let me think. Quick question, favorite SNL performer of all time?

LARRY: SNL?

NORM: "Saturday Night Live."

LARRY: My favorite "Saturday Night" performer of all time, Norm Macdonald is way up there. he's going to be on the show tonight.

NORM: He's terrific.

LARRY: He's funny.

NORM: Very funny.

LARRY: Why is he leaving?

NORM: Why is he leaving what?

LARRY: Why is he leaving "Saturday Night Live"?

NORM: Well, I don't know too much about it.

LARRY: See, you've got to answer. You don't like him, do you?

NORM: I don't care for him.

LARRY: Belushi was way up there.

NORM: Belushi?

LARRY: If I got to pick Macdonald, Belushi, and -- or the guy Dennis Miller...

NORM: Dennis Miller, terrific, terrific.

LARRY: Bright and intelligent.

NORM: Very bright and intelligent.

LARRY: We have about a minute left to my portion to guest with you, but then I've got to go.

NORM: A minute left. I want to bring up one thing. Not only are you master of the medium of TV, you also write a column for "USA Today."

LARRY: I do, every Monday.

NORM: I have it with us. Every Monday, you write a column for "USA Today"?

LARRY: Correct.

NORM: And you read "USA Today"?

LARRY: Yes.

NORM: Terrific paper.

LARRY: Yes.

NORM: Terrific paper. Now, I've got your Monday April 6 column. I like to quote something for you. Here you say: "Kathy Bates is sensational in `Primary Colors.'"

LARRY: Yes.

NORM: Still feel that way?

LARRY: Why would I change? What do you mean? On reflection, she's not sensational?

NORM: So you saying on reflection, she's not sensational.

LARRY: No, I'm saying -- thanks for having me here.

NORM: Wait, I have another one.

LARRY: Which one?

NORM: It says here: "I haven't seen kids shooting marbles in years."

LARRY: I haven't.

NORM: Still feel that way?

LARRY: [Laughter.]

NORM: What about this one: "For my money of all the guests I've ever interviewed, the elephant man was the ugliest."

LARRY: [Laughter.]

NORM: Did you not tell me you never interviewed the elephant man?

LARRY: Yes. So one of us is lying in print or on the air.

NORM: Exactly.

LARRY: Exactly.

NORM: Larry King, good to have you with us, sir.

LARRY: Thank you, Mr. Starr.

NORM: And we'll be back. We'll return with David Spade, a funny man, and Norm Macdonald, an even funnier man. Stay with us.

LARRY: [Laughter.]



Leaving "Saturday Night Live"


LARRY: ... You're pretty sharp Macdonald. Why did you leave "Saturday Night Live"? Come on, tell us the true story?

NORM: The true story?

LARRY: Not the show business story. Not the humble story. The real story.

NORM: OK, I fabricate the tissue of lies. I left because I did this thing where I did the fake news, the pretend news on the show, and then...

LARRY: They call that the -- what is...

NORM: They call that the "Weekend Report."

LARRY: Right.

NORM: So what happened was the president of the network, you know, he phoned me up and he said...

LARRY: Don Ohlmeyer.

NORM: Don Ohlmeyer, and he said he didn't like me so he's the president of the network.

LARRY: So he took you off that bit?

NORM: Yeah.

LARRY: Rather than the whole show?

NORM: Yeah, but I didn't really do anything else on the show. I just liked him in that.

LARRY: But you came back to do me?

NORM: Yeah, that's right.

LARRY: Everybody was shocked. They thought you were gone and then you began to show as me?

NORM: Yeah.

LARRY: Were you hurt at getting that call?

NORM: Oh, no, I was thrilled. [Laughter.]

LARRY: Why? You'd never been fired quite like that before?

NORM: No, I've been fired before. I used to have a lot of jobs. I worked in a chicken joint for a while. I had a lot of bad joints before I got into show business.

LARRY: You worked at Kentucky Fried Chicken, or something?

NORM: Not Kentucky Fried Chicken, but the Chicken Shack. It was just a little place in Canada, but they fired me but they didn't say I wasn't funny.

LARRY: Do you think it was because you kidded things about Simpson a lot and Don Ohlmeyer and Simpson are very close friends?

NORM: Don Ohlmeyer and Simpson are apparently best buddies...

LARRY: Very close.

NORM: ... yeah, and yeah, and O.J. Simpson loves -- maybe I hope he really loves Don Ohlmeyer.

LARRY: Here you go again. So you left bitterly then?

NORM: No, I didn't leave bitterly, because I'm -- I don't care, you know. It's just a job.

LARRY: You don't really care?

NORM: I don't care, because the guy -- it doesn't matter if people think are funny, it only matters if the boss guy dude thinks you're funny. Everybody could love you, right, but if Ted Turner hates you...

LARRY: Good-bye, Larry he owns the camera.

NORM: That's right. Whoever owns the camera calls the shots.

LARRY: But you got a lot of publicity off that, a lot of attention and everybody is saying, what is Norm going to do next?

NORM: Yeah.

LARRY: Which is a plus?

NORM: Yeah.



Dirty Work

LARRY: OK. What are you going to do now?

NORM: I've got a movie coming out.

LARRY: Tell me about it.

NORM: It's called "Dirty Work."

LARRY: Don Rickles is in that movie.

NORM: Yeah. How did you know that?

LARRY: I saw Don and he told me he's making this movie that is hysterical.

NORM: Yeah he was hysterical. He was funny man.

LARRY: What is it about?

NORM: It's about me. I play this dude that gets fired. [Laughter.]

LARRY: Typecasting.

NORM: It worked out and I get fired and I'm no good at any job. But every time I get fired, I like screw over the guy that fired me, you know.

LARRY: You get even?

NORM: I get even, I get revenge, so then I realize that I should just open up revenge for hire business.

LARRY: Oh, this is the one where you help people get revenge against other people?

NORM: Exactly.

LARRY: That's your agency-like, instead of an employment agency, detective agency, you help people get even?

NORM: Exactly.

LARRY: Example?

NORM: Example of getting even?

LARRY: Yes.

NORM: Let's say a guy that fired you from a show like NBC's "Saturday Night Live."

LARRY: Yeah, what would you do?

NORM: You would -- my revenge would be I plotted out first for months trying to figure out the guy, you know, what his weaknesses and, you know, his foibles are, study that very closely and then I would like sneak up behind him and kick him in the ass. [Laughter.]

LARRY: We'll be back with more of Norm Macdonald whose elevator missed many floors.

NORM: What?



President Clinton

LARRY: ... Where is home to you, L.A.?

NORM: L.A., yeah.

LARRY: Did you do a lot of standup?

NORM: I did a little bit of standup.

LARRY: Because you were a major hit last year at the Radio TV correspondent thing.

NORM: Oh, yeah, I performed for the president.

LARRY: What was that like?

NORM: It was weird, because it's the president and he gets up and talks for a while and at that time, he had like a bunch of crutches and stuff.

LARRY: Yeah, he had...

NORM: He had a broken leg and so he was -- he had crutches and -- he was actually handicapped and he was the president of the United States, so he had a great parking spot, real close to the building. [Laughter.] And it was odd because he goes up and talks first -- takes forever, you know. They give out awards to Dede Mires (ph) and all these people and it takes like -- you're sitting here for about an hour before you have to talk and I was nervous, you know.

LARRY: Sure. You have a heavy-hitting audience?

NORM: Sure and I have this technique I use when I'm nervous, which is -- I drink a lot of booze.

LARRY: So you're saying you were drunk?

NORM: Well, I wasn't drunk, but I was more like really drunk, you know.

LARRY: You weren't drunk; you were really drunk?

NORM: I knocked back some whiskey.

LARRY: But you knew you were going over good?

NORM: I went over pretty good, yeah. But it was weird looking around and -- I saw you.

LARRY: You referred to me.

NORM: I referred to you.

LARRY: I saw you look at the president a few times and what's it like to stand there and -- the most powerful person in the world is sitting next to you and you're trying to make him laugh?

NORM: The most powerful person was to the right of me, Hillary, but it is odd because the guy could have you killed...

LARRY: One call.

NORM: He's had a few guys killed, hasn't he. So you never know, but some of the jokes you kind of look over. Like I did one joke about -- cause he was sick, you know, at the disability, and I was like on the bright side, you know, there is medical marijuana. [Laughter.] And then I said, you know, and then I looked at him and said, for God's sake, sir you must inhale. It's the only way to get better. And then he kind of looked at me like the same way he looked at Vince Foster.

LARRY: Do you -- David [Spade] doesn't like political humor, he doesn't like to hit the president?

NORM: Yeah.

LARRY: You do?

NORM: He doesn't like to...

LARRY: Kid a president?

NORM: Kid a president?

LARRY: Yeah. He said he was raised a certain way. He's not comfortable.

NORM: Right.

LARRY: Making fun of a sitting president of the United States?

NORM: No, I don't feel that way.

LARRY: At all -- you don't care?

NORM: Well, especially depending on the president. If the president is like a guy that dodged the draft and has dirty sex with young girls, then you kid had him.

LARRY: What do you make of the Monica Lewinsky saga?

NORM: I think it's horrible. I don't know why -- I don't understand why Americans aren't outraged by such a thing. They don't care. They say they're more interested in Dow Jones than Paula Jones and they're not interested in Shirley Jones at all.

LARRY: She was a great singer?

NORM: She was great. Why not be interested in her?

LARRY: But most of your compatriots and colleagues in Hollywood, California...

NORM: Yeah.

LARRY: ... say leave the president alone. You're the first one I've heard say, I'm upset about this?

NORM: Yeah, because they're all liberals.

LARRY: You're not? Wait a minute. You are a conservative?

NORM: I'm apolitical, but I notice a huge -- liberal bias in comedy. You know what I mean? Like I would never do a joke, for instance, that would compare Pat Buchanan to Hitler or something like that...

LARRY: Liberals do it all of the time.

NORM: ... which I've heard people do and then the audience claps and...

LARRY: Do we have a great conservative comedian other than that you? You say you're apolitical.

NORM: Conservative comedian. You've got that Mark Russell dude that plays the piano.

LARRY: He's not a conservative.

NORM: But he sings.

LARRY: Arianna Huffington.

NORM: Arianna Huffington, she's funny.

LARRY: She is funny.

NORM: She's got that funny accent. That's always funny to listen to.

LARRY: So why don't you become the conservative standup guy, you stand up alone?

NORM: Yeah, that would be a good idea.

LARRY: A whole new image for you.

NORM: Yeah, the conservative standup?

LARRY: Think of it.

NORM: Yeah.

LARRY: We'll ponder that.

NORM: I'll tell you about the scandals. Did you heard the latest one?

LARRY: What?

NORM: Unbelievable. Clinton, pretty much every woman has some story. Apparently now, it just came out in "USA Today" today. Apparently when he was governor of Arkansas, this was like 20 years ago or something, apparently one night he got really drunk and he had sex with Hillary.



Norm's Brother

LARRY: ... Your brother stayed in Canada, and he's a foreign correspondent, right?

NORM: Yeah, he works in Jerusalem.

LARRY: Oh, that's great.

NORM: Yeah, yeah. Is that a good thing?

LARRY: You don't think it's a beautiful, great city?

NORM: I've never been in Jerusalem.

LARRY: Why don't you go and visit your brother?

NORM: I can't go overseas. When you go to Jerusalem...

LARRY: You cannot go overseas? Don Ohlmeyer has that much power? You cannot go overseas?

NORM: No, I'm afraid to, with all the craziness, you know. Do you read newspapers?

LARRY: I do. But your brother covers Jerusalem for the CBC, right?

NORM: For the CBC, the Canadian Broadcasting Company.



Howard Stern

LARRY: Are you going to be part of the Howard Stern show?

NORM: What's that?

LARRY: Are you going to be part of the Howard Stern Saturday night show that's going up against "Saturday Night Live"?

NORM: The television show?

LARRY: Yeah.

NORM: Yeah, no -- I mean. I don't know.

LARRY: Why don't you introduce the press conference?

NORM: Well, he asked me to the day before. I said, yeah, sure, I will introduce you.

LARRY: Everyone presumed that therefore you will be a part of it.

NORM: Yeah.

LARRY: I mean, it's a chance to get even, revenge, if the show were a big hit, you could give Don Ohlmeyer a lesson?

NORM: Well, you know what they say about revenge.

LARRY: What?

NORM: I don't know. Revenge is a dish best served cold.

LARRY: What does that mean? [Laughter.]

NORM: I don't know what it means. I think it's supposed like if somebody gets back at you, you serve him a cold dish of chowder.

LARRY: Oh, I've got you. Getting even.

NORM: Yeah. But he hasn't spoken with me about it, you know.

LARRY: Would you like to be a part of the Howard Stern Saturday show?

NORM: The only thing I would love to do is do a weekend update thing, because I never got a chance to do my last one. Like I didn't know it was going to be my last one, you know what I mean?

LARRY: Yeah, that's right. I'm sure Howard will let you do that. That will be cool for him.

NORM: He said he'd like to have me do this.

LARRY: So you're going to do "Weekend Update" on the Howard Stern. Why don't you just say it? It's not so hard to figure. You'll do a weekend update on the Howard Stern Saturday night show on CBS-owned stations.

NORM: Well, I don't know yet if I will or not.

LARRY: What do you mean you don't know? You asked him, he said OK.

NORM: No, no, he asked me.

LARRY: And you said OK, because you want to do it.

NORM: I didn't say OK. I said I would love to do a kind of Weekend Update thing.

LARRY: And he said you can.

NORM: What are you, Kenneth Starr?

LARRY: No, no. I'm going to presume you're going to do it.

NORM: OK.



Norm's Writing Past

LARRY: What was it like to write for Roseanne?

NORM: Oh, man, that was great. She's like the funniest woman in the world, you know. You know, there is only like one.

LARRY: Did you like comedy writing? Did you like that as much as performing?

NORM: Yes, I love comedy writing. I've got to be very luck, like Dennis Miller giving me my first job writing for a show. And he was great, you know. And I got a chance to write.

LARRY: And you got his biggest kick, hearing the audience laugh when he said something you wrote as you do when you say it?

NORM: Absolutely, as long as I'm writing for like guys I think are really funny. Like Dennis is hilarious. He's a much better writer than me. So when I wrote stuff for him, he would make fun of you. And the same true of Roseanne, just tremendously funny. It would be very hard to write for someone that just suck.

LARRY: When you were writing for Roseanne, you were doing feminist off beat kind of stuff, is that you or you are enlarging -- it seems for me one of the most unique arts to write for somebody else?

NORM: Yes, you have like get in their body.

LARRY: Right.

NORM: She has a giant body. And so it's not so hard to get into. No, I've never been inside Roseanne's body.

LARRY: I know that. I mean so what do you do? You have to think feminine?

NORM: You have to think feminine. You have to think fat, obviously. And you have to think, yeah, you know, you have to think like the person.

LARRY: Was that your big break?

NORM: Dennis Miller gave me the first job on his talk show that he had for a couple of days.

LARRY: Now did you do? You went in and pitched yourself? How do you get that first break to go on the Dennis Miller show?

NORM: Well, the only way ever got anything is I did standup. And some guys would see me like, Roseanne saw me and Dennis saw me doing standup. And they were both -- since they were sandups, you know, they like standups and they were kind enough to give me a job. Otherwise, I never would have gotten a job.



Norm's Appeal

LARRY: Wouldn't you say that part of your great appeal is attitude? You have an attitude.

NORM: I do?

LARRY: Don't you think so?

NORM: Well, an attitude is like a negative thing.

LARRY: No, no, no. It's positive thing. Jack Benny had an attitude.

NORM: Jack Benny had...

LARRY: Don Rickles has an attitude.

NORM: yeah, I love that.

LARRY: You have an attitude.

NORM: I do?

LARRY: See, the thing with I do? The seemingly lack of caring for the sick and the tired and the aging? The seemingly everything rolls off you, Norm.

NORM: Well, everything rolls -- the guys I've always liked in performing with the guys -- when I was a kid, the guys just didn't care about show business. Dean Martin.

LARRY: Dean Martin didn't care. You're lucky I'm here.

NORM: Yeah.



Spade And Norm

LARRY: ... With us, David Spade is in Los Angeles and Norm Macdonald is here in New York.

SPADE: Hi, Norm.

LARRY: Say hello to him.

NORM: Hi, David. David and I have apparently some kind of feud. He left this message on my machine.

LARRY: What is this?

NORM: What is that?

SPADE: I don't know.

LARRY: Did you not want to appear with him tonight?

SPADE: Norm, I...

LARRY: Come on, David, tell us.

SPADE: I wouldn't pay $300 to have my hair blow dried and be treated like this.

NORM: No, your hair is great. I was... [Laughter.]

LARRY: Do you feel, David, that the star spotlight has been taken away by you, by Macdonald tonight?

SPADE: No, I don't mind. It should be. Norm is my buddy. Norm is one of the best guys out there. I've been watching this whole show, laughing my head off. I don't think Larry knows that Norm is a little cooky. He's got some funny stuff to say.

LARRY: What do you make of that? He's accusing you of not having all the marbles?

NORM: Good lord.

LARRY: Are you shocked?

NORM: I don't have all the marbles. I'll tell you something about marbles. I haven't seen a kid playing marbles for years.

SPADE (AS KING): "The China Syndrome" is a great rental.

LARRY: He's doing my column now.

NORM (AS KING): Of all the colors, blue is my favorite.

LARRY: Stop that. OK.

SPADE (AS KING): Where is John Stamos been?

LARRY: When will you two go to work together? Why don't you do a movie together?

NORM: We'd love to. We've been trying for a long time. Right, Dave?

SPADE: Yeah. Norm is one of the few super funny guys out there. I'm trying to keep up. And he's a blast. Whatever show gets him next, it will be in great shape.

LARRY: Well, David, do you think he's going to do "Weekend Update" on the new Howard Stern show?

SPADE: It seems like that's what you told him.

LARRY: It seems like that to me. I don't know why he's in some sort of denial over this.

SPADE: Norm is a little tricky, but he's in demand. So I think they'll have him if he wants to do it.

LARRY: Maybe "Meet the Press" will ask him to do it.

NORM: "Meet the Press" will be great. Tim Russert, right?

LARRY: Yeah, you and Tim.

NORM: Me and Tim would be a great...

LARRY: Load of laughs.

SPADE: You guys lost me.

NORM: He doesn't know Tim Russert.

SPADE: Anything about Tim Russert...

NORM: He only knows super models.

SPADE: I get blank stairs.

LARRY: Yeah, you

SPADE: Hey, listen, Larry, you live next to me in Beverly Hills now. You (INAUDIBLE). You are right next to me. I've just heard you are going to come by my...

LARRY: Don't give the address.

SPADE: I know where you're at. My house has a water wiggle out front. And you're going to have to come by and hang out with me.

LARRY: What is a water wiggle?

NORM: That's his thing for a supermodel.

SPADE: Shut up. [Laughter.] What an idiot. You're going to be part of neighborhood, watch with me. And you're going to hold up your end. I don't care if you're out of town a lot.

LARRY: Where do you live, Norm?

NORM: I live in New York City.

LARRY: Here, the gotham.

NORM: Yes, the Big Apple.

LARRY: But I've seen you in L.A.

NORM: Yeah.

SPADE: It's interesting.

LARRY: ... you and Chris Farley in New York.

NORM: Yeah, in Los Angeles, me and Chris Farley.

SPADE: Yeah, his story doesn't check out, does it, Larry?

LARRY: No.

SPADE: It's got some holes in it.

NORM: I live in Los Angeles.

LARRY: Good observation, Dave.

NORM: I'm by...

SPADE: Get it out, Norm.

NORM: By coastal, yeah, by coastal.

SPADE: Bisexual.

NORM: What are you doing today?

SPADE: No. I'm kidding, I'm kidding.

LARRY: Lots of admissions here tonight. Do you ever miss "Saturday Night Live"? The same question for both of you. David.

SPADE: I miss hanging out with Norm and some other people there, but I don't miss so hard. It was a good six-year run for me. I was fun.

LARRY: But you don't miss doing the show?

SPADE: I miss it in pieces. I like to host it, but right now to do it every week, I'm too old now.

LARRY: Norm?

NORM: I've only been gone like one week. [Laughter.]

LARRY: But you unlike David, you were fired?

NORM: Yes.

LARRY: So distance is quicker to have -- do you miss it? Or did you miss it last Saturday Night?

NORM: I...

LARRY: Did you watch it?

NORM: I -- I...

LARRY: You're stumbling?

NORM: I'll tell you something, where I live, I don't get "Saturday Night Live."

SPADE: You know what, Larry? They showed...

NORM: I watch "Saturday Night Live," but I don't get it. [Laughter.]

NORM: David, hey can you stop stepping on the joke?

SPADE: I don't know. I cannot.

NORM: Me and Larry are doing a little...

SPADE: I know, I'm two minutes behind you on a tape delay.

LARRY: David, what were you going to say?

SPADE: I just heard the Siamese twin thing. Now I was saying that Norm sits home and then just montage music, and you hear "the road is long," and he's watching six TV's in his room.

NORM: I used to. When I did the show, I used to take off after updates so I could watch the rest of the show at home.

LARRY: Real?

NORM: Yeah, because you know, stay till the end, you can wave, because everybody waves...

LARRY: You're not a waiver?

NORM: It's odd, because sometimes the show sucks. And at the end of the show, you're waving like a jackass.

SPADE: But Norm, sometimes at the first three years, I was never on, I had to count that as a sketch.

LARRY: David, thanks very much, and Norm, thanks very much.

NORM: Thanks, Larry.

SPADE: Thank you guys.

LARRY: I want to thank Larry King for hosting this earlier.

NORM: Yeah, Larry was great.

LARRY: Thanks for joining us. See you Monday night. Good night.


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